Why do i have to cry so much?????

Well, after a conversation with a beloved friend, i realize, i am the reason my life is the way it is...i am the reason i end up where i ended up...i was at fault... this thought is a depressing one...to know i have fallen this far because of my actions and my merit, is a hard concept to swallow...

why is it that friends always bring the obvious to your attention...

so i sit here at my lonely desk, working late, with noone to talk to and let the tears roll down my face...

you cant complain if you caused the pain to yourself...

you cant be upset, if you allow people to walk over you....

you cant cry because you missed out on an opportunity because of your own actions...

i just wish i werent such a girl and cry so much...why couldn't i be this cold heartless person, who doesnt care, who doesnt wear their heart on their sleeve?? why is it that everything bothers me so much...

I was told tonight that i lacked drive???what does that mean???i have always thought i was a very hard working person, i always excel in what i do...though i dont put my work on display...i feel like it is strong enough to stand on its own...guess another thing i was wrong about...

oh well, wipe the tears away, stand back up, brush off, and give it another try...

hopefully in the next couple of days life will get better...will try and take some pics on vacation and post some of me and my self and let the rest of the world see what a fat cow i have become, and how pathetic i truly look right now...i am totally disgusted with myself ...i need to really work on that...