Well, here are my kids, they are my life, and the reason the decision at hand seems so huge.

I was recently notified of a layoff within my company. It so happens it affects me. I have been with this company for 11 years, i worked as a temp for a year, and was hired permanent in 1996 and have been there ever since. I was 17 when i started, and never looked back.

Through the years i have been promoted to several different jobs. I thought i was on my way to furthering my career, and really making something of my life.

I was notified Friday that i was not one of the "chosen" ones to go to a new company that many of my co-workers are going to. To top it off, i was told that i was the one on "the bubble" so there is a possibilty that if someone does not accept a specific job that it will be offered to me.

However, if the person takes the job, there is another job for me, it is just the job that i left over a year ago, i never thought i would go backwards in my career.

I have also been approached about a possibilty of staying with the company that laid me off, in a different position. Trouble is, i cant convince myself that it is the right position for me.

I have to admit, i was truly let down and disappointed that i was not offered one of the positions that i wanted. There was a glimmer of hope that it is possible that i may still go, but it all rest in the hands of someone else not wanting the job, and i am torn, because i truly love this person that was offered the same job i want. She has other job offers, that may be better for her, but i dont feel as though i can discuss any of it with her now, because i dont want to sway her decisions.

I dont want to feel as though the only reason i got my job was because i convinced someone else it was not a right fit for them.

My heart tells me i am right for that job, i know that it was a hard decision for my boss. There were several people going for the same job, and i am thankful that she called me and let me know where i stood.

My gut instint tells me that if i cant get the position that i want, to go to the same company in the other position, the one i used to have...it is moving backwards, but i feel, and my manager has encouraged, that when an opening comes up in the job i want, i would be one of the first considered.

My husband doesnt feel the same way, he feels as though i let my emotions make my decisions. That i choose my jobs based on my co-workers and my sense of obligation to the company and the people, and while that may be partly the case, it is not the entire reason. My husband feels i should not settle for the backwards position that was offered and continue my job search...which is a scary thought for me.

I wish it could all be easy, but life never is....