I TALK TOO MUCH!!

2007-04-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

Whewwww!! Is this week over yet???

I am exhausted, I have never ran so much in my entire life...Baseball 4 nights this week, we also have one Saturday. I have worked late every other day this week and gone in early EVERY morning...i am so tired, my laundry desperating needs to be washed, my kids are exhausted, my house is a mess...and i am too tired to work on it...whats a girl to do??

Ahh, but i guess busy is good, it means i have a life...

My baby sister got a job working at the same company i work at, it is a great beginning for her, she is a single mom with three kids and has had a rough past couple of years, i cannot wait until she gets started. It will be rough, but I know she can handle it.

Other than that, not too much has happened lately, I don't have alot of time to do anything for myself, I want to go shopping and spend time with myself....but, there is never time...i need to meet Michelle for lunch one day...when we both have time, so much to do, so little time...

2007-04-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

It has been a while, so i figured, time for an update...things have been extremely busy at home and at work, so not much time for anything else.

We had a great time it Atlanta, though it was freezing... it actually snowed Friday night when we drove in, it was awesome, who would have thought snow in April...but all in all it was nice.

This week has been filled with catching up at work, baseball games, and catching up on housework, nothing too excited. I think i washed 20 loads of clothes saturday and sunday and that is a real number...haha...no stretching there... but i can say i am finally caught up, now if i can manage to do my two loads a day, life will be great.

My son, Bryan, is in his final year of small fry baseball...he is the tenth batter, which is generally the strongest batter, because they get to run until the ball is thrown into home, the object of course is to push as many runs as possible...as you may or may not know in small fry, all ten batters that play the inning bat every inning, they clear the bases every third out, on the tenth batter, everyone runs until the ball is thrown and home plate is tagged....anyway..he was upset that he was tenth batter, as typically the tenth batter doesnt make it home, he just bats in the other base runners...he was super psyched when all three of his hits, be made it home. Of course, they are ruled home runs, but he doesnt actually hit them over the fence, just a hard hit, generally to the fence, sends these little outfielders in a tizzy...allowing him to make it all the way home, he was so excited, of course, his daddy wasnt at the ballgame and he couldnt wait until after the game to call his daddy and tell him what he had done, it was nice to see the excitement in his eyes...

Kimmy is doing great, she is struggling in school. She does not apply her self, i tried buying her workbooks, working with her after school, she just doesnt care, i dont know what to do. I try to tell her that all of her friends are going to move on to first grade, and she has to stay in kindergarten, she doesnt care...i am at a loss, it is really too late in the year to worry about it, she will repeat kindergarten, and i hope we can get her attention next year...

Cody, he is a handful, he is 11, and thinks he has the final say. He is so rude, his mouth will be the death of me...he thinks he is too grown to get a spanking and i have to remind him daily he isnt...I hate doing this, i know he thinks we hate him because we are constantly yelling at him, but he is driving me crazy. I keep telling myself it is his age and he will out grow it, but help us all until he does...

As you can see the past few weeks have been full, more to come later..work to do for now...

2007-04-02T08:42:00.000-07:00

When it rains it pours...

Okay, so last week my new truck dropped the transmission...it is in the shop, I am supposed to get it back today, and I cannot wait. Who would have ever thought, and no i did not buy the extended warranty, i only bought 12000 mile bumper to bumper and the engine for life comes from the dealer. I was thinking the truck had such low mileage, no problems, one owner, if anything were to happen, it would definately happen in the first 12000 miles, well i was wrong, 13000 miles it happened, i have to have the transmission completely rebuilt, the torque converter cracked and metal shavings were disbursed through the transmission. After doing lots of research so i would not sound like a total moran talking to the mechanic I learned this is a common problem for FORD trucks...ughh how come i didnt find any of this before i bought the truck?? The good news, the guy that is fixing my transmission said this is the one of the only problems he ever hears from FORD, and my truck appeared to be in great condition, so he urged me not to trade it...it only has 60k miles on it... Okay i decide just bad luck smile, pay out the butt and move on...

Saturday, my husband is taking the trash off, this is a rarity, and i had to bitch and moan for him to take it off...after thirty minutes, i decided he should be back, so i go in the house to check the phone..he called...the car was broke down on the side of the road...diagnosis, timing belt broke, hope to God it didnt damage the motor, otherwise, we will be getting another new car.

i have to say, the KIA has been a decent car, though i hate it...we have 143k miles on it, it is 5 years old, and i have only put 3 alternators ( the first two were not from Kia and shorted the car out), battery and tires on the car... so all in all a decent car. i guess we will wait and see what the repair shop has to say tomorrow...

The good news, we are going to Atlanta this weekend for easter weekend, it is opening day for the braves and my hubby is a braves nut, i just like to go to Atlanta, so it should be fun, thankfully we have already paid for the trip, otherwise, we could not afford to go...hehe...

take care, now that i have relearned my password, i will be able to blog more...yeah!!!!

2007-03-07T04:45:00.000-08:00

I cannot figure out how to comment on you guys blogs with this new blogger...any help???

2007-02-22T04:51:00.000-08:00

Back from the doctor...and not what I wanted to hear...

Several years back, i was told my esophigis was eroding and I was possible candidate for surgery to basically link my esophigis to my stomach and strengthen the weak flap that causes GERDS, of course that was human terms, the doctors make it much more complicated. Well after careful consideration I decided I wanted no part of that major surgery and declined. Fast forward 6-7 years, GERDS still awful, my doctor tries to change my meds to make it better, it didnt work, so suggest i have another endoscopy. Well the edoscopy shows severe erosion of my esophogis and ulcers in my esophogis and stomach caused by the severe deteriation of my stomach lining and esophogis...and yet again, i am a candidate for surgery, which is a bit more advanced but still very much invasive. He put me on two different acid blockers to see if that would help and I am supposed to go back in a month to talk about my options. The only thing that scares me, is if left untreated, my risk for esophogeal cancer is very high, and I dont want to put my kids through that, so for once, I may have to consider that when making my decision...doesnt life suck???

2007-02-15T07:29:00.000-08:00

I updated my blog to the new blogger, so now i can update...haha...dont you all just love that...

Not too much has happened lately, my daughter has been sick all week, so needless to say i am exhausted. She got sick Sunday night, i took her to the doctor Monday, they barely looked at her, even though i told them to check for strep throat, he sent her home, saying she maybe had the flu, but probably a virus...fast forward two more days, still running 103 fever, i call the doctor back, they tell me to bring her in for a throat swab....oh now you want to listen to me, guess what, i am not stupid, she has strep throat, put her on antibiotics, she was up and down all night last night, getting drink, tossing and turning. She finally decides at 5:00am she has slept enough and it is time for her and me to get up, arent i lucky...now she is home napping, and i am exhausted...oh the fun...

hope everyone had a fabulous Valentines Day!!! Talk to you soon!!

2007-01-31T06:53:00.000-08:00

When is ENOUGH ENOUGH??? I have been having alot of problems with my tummy lately, in part because i have gained 15 pounds in 7 months, and in part because i have severe GERDS and ulcers....i made the intelligent decision a couple of months ago to take myself off of the meds i had been on for years because they cause me severe tummy pains...well, my GERDS got much worse in that process, i went back to my doctor who put me on two new meds and asked me to try them for a couple of weeks, well today was the day of doom, the couple of weeks have past, at my check up she asked me how i was doing, well...my meds make my nauseaus all the time and i hurt in the middle part of my stomach. She decides that since it has been 7 years since my last endoscopy, it is time for another one, because it cant just be GERDS that causes all of this, not with all the meds she has me on....hey, why cant it just be GERDS, why do you always have to look for something else to be wrong??? Maybe i am just a unique case, you know i am a unique person..hehe...so there is the scoop it is scheduled for 02-21-07, i go to pick up my orders and instructions on 02-14, fun eh??? If i dont back out that will be the plan...wish me luck...maybe they will find this huge mass growing in my tummy and have to take it out, along with half my tummy...wishful thinking huh??

2007-01-29T13:29:00.000-08:00

2007-01-29T13:18:00.000-08:00

2007-01-29T13:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, I finally have time to publish the pictures. Things have been so hectic around here. I am finally taking some time off, we are going to Atlanta for the weekend and I am super psyched. I love going to a bigger city and just seeing the sites. The pictures are of Bryan at the Bowling Banquet, he won second in teams, he had a bunch of wierdo's on his team, as you can see, he looks like a little midget. He also won second for doubles, and first in singles and first for all-events. He did wonderful, i was so proud of him, he was so sweet up there, he is the shortest one....the others are pics from a museum in NC, it is a hands on Museum for kids it was sooooo neat, my kids loved it, it had a great dino exhibit, we went with my sister and her kids. Oh well, enjoy the pics, keep in touch

2006-12-28T05:54:00.000-08:00

now that i have filled you in with Christmas drama, i get to tell you what i got, i absolutely got everything i could possibly imagine this year, i must have been a good little girl...hehehe...

My hubby bought me a new super nice digital camera, the one i had was old, ancient, only 2.1 megapixels, 5X optical zoom, only really good for taking family shots of the kids activities. I got a 7.1 megapixel, 10x optical zoom Kodak, with the printer doc, i love it soooo much, couldnt have done a better job, i got lots of perfume, paris hilton, i love that stuff, and lots of victoria secret lotion, body wash and perfume, i think someone was trying to tell me i stink, but i love it, so jokes on them...haha...my dad gave the families a portable DVD player for the car, since all of his kids got new vehicles this year, he figured it was suiting, it was very nice, my kids love it, and that means a quiet ride for me..haha...

The one disappointment, i didnt get any clothes, generally my mom and dad get me something, i didnt get anything this year, and a quote from my dad...are you ready...my weight has changed so much this past year, noone dare guess what size i finally ended up at...my step mom didnt mind guessing, she bought me a xxl shirt, come on, i am not that large, ughh, guess it was better they didnt guess, would have hurt my feelings even more, huh...

Back to work on Tuesday, wasnt excited about the work, but was excited i got to see a good friend of mine that moved away...sniff sniff...it was great seeing him again, the old work gang went out to lunch at the olive garden, it was nice, short visit but nice, i guess i should count my blessings i get to see him, he is a busy man..haha...All the drama is over for now, will post pics soon, when i get a moment to myself, i know you are all excited about that...i promise no fat pics of me, i wont torture you..hehe...only the kiddies...lots of love, miss everyone!!!!

2006-12-28T05:31:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been a while since i posted last, i know, i know, i am a slacker, but those who read this, already know this trait about me....

So much has gone on since Thanksgiving. I am now comfortable in my new position. It is extremely stressful right now, but that is to be expected. I absolutely love my AE, which i was worried about, i loved my other one also, so i figured it would be hard to trump...what i think i have figured out, is they are all pretty good, your personalities just have to coincide, and i am such a ,well, pushover, my personality will coincide with most anyone.

This past weekend was Christmas, it was very busy...Christmas party Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon. Then i did Chrismas at my house on Sunday with my mom and all my brothers and sisters. I made a ham, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, homemade bread, green beans, and cookie tray and a cheese tray, it was nice, the mess that followed not so nice, but it was worth it. All the family left Sunday afternoon, and then it was time to venture to the in-laws...I must admit, i generally dread this trip, because we get a bunch of junk. I wish i could teach these people less is more, i would love to get one nice gift, and no junk, wouldnt that be nice, this year, i think they finally got the message, it worked, most everyone got nice gifts this year, not the number they usually get, which is also a plus for me, because we have nowhere to put all this junk, i generally start moving it out with the trash the week after christmas, gives me enough time to figure out what they are going to play with and what they are not.

Whew, the next venture was Santa Claus, we wait up until all the kids go to bed, then we start laying the gifts out. To this point, i have bought probably 90% of what we have. My hubby decides we dont have quite enough and he needs to venture out, well the only place open is Walgreens, my view is, if we dont have it now, you are not getting it...he doesnt feel that way...if anyone watches lifetime and sees those little life lesson clips with the protein powder and the bologna, that reminds me of my hubby...ughh it annoys me sooo much, why wait until the last moment... anyway, we finally get everything set out, crawl in the bed about 1:00am, finally sleep. Not even, 4:00am, my daughter comes in my room, half excited half asleep, i decide to capitalize on the sleepy and invite her in the bed with me, hey, i need sleep right??? It's 5:00am, all three of the kids are standing at the foot of my bed, mommy, mommy Santa came, he brought us all a new bike, come see, i am thinking to myself, i know what he brought you, i would rather sleep, but then the mom kicks in, the excitement in their voices is too much, i jump out of bed, grab my new, yeah i forgot to mention hubby bought me a new digital camera, and start snapping photo's. All the paper being thrown the excited faces, i have to say, this is the only year my kids werent left asking for something, i finally got it right, it only took me 11 years, right??? LOL...after all the excitement, i try to pick up the mounds of paper, ughh, i am soo tired of cleaning, we decide to go outside to ride the bikes, it is 6:00am, freezing cold, and we are outside riding bikes in our PJ's, must be love. I must say God was looking out for me, the rain started coming, harder and harder, until we finally escaped back into the house. Then my grandma calls, she wants us to come to her house, we had already seen her for Christmas so i thought we would get to stay home, think again, we all get dressed and venture out into the pouring rain, stayed there a couple of hours then did the house hopping to the rest of the families...Finally Christmas is over, and i get to relax, at least for a couple of days, back to the road on Friday, traveling to NC for my nephews birthday, that should be loads of fun!!!

2006-11-30T05:29:00.001-08:00

The Thanksgiving Holiday's are now past us, i am 10 pounds heavier (being sarcastic of course) and exhausted.

We traveled to my moms and stayed for the weekend, it was a blast, though i must say, when it was time to leave, i was ready to leave. We went shopping on Friday and Saturday, and i spent way too much money, though i am almost finished Christmas shopping.

I must vent though, my sister, those who know me, know here, she just left her slacker of a man, and is a single mom, she has three bad ass kids, that absolutely drive you insane. Well, her slacker of a man, has been sending her quite a bit of child support, i know this, yet she won't tell anyone else she is getting it, so she of course she still gets the sympathy hand outs from my mom and dad, which infuriate me. She is someone who has done nothing with her life, she has never made the attempt to better herself, and has always been handed everything. My parents have given her countless cars, money, paid her bills, support her kids etc. My parents have never done this for me, i guess because i am an extremely hard working and would never settle, but this makes me angry, she will never learn how to rely on herself, if they keep doing for her. And i think what makes it worse, they sneak it to her, like no one is suppose to know, but they do it when others are around, and she spends the money then, so we know where it came from...i must say it sucks standing around watching this, but who needs them. One thing i learned in my adult life is that parents always favor a child, unfortunately, i have never been the favored one, and have always worked for what i have. Both of my parents comment on how proud they are that i am self sufficient, but who cares, for once it would be nice for someone to actually do something for me for a change...in my adult life, i am becoming extremely bitter, i guess jealous is a better word, and i should be the bigger person, but...you know me :)

2006-11-22T06:55:00.000-08:00

The holidays are quickly approaching. Tomorrow, we venture to the in laws, then we head to my moms. I love this time of year, all of the family gets together and we have so much fun. I get to go shopping Friday and try to finish up the majority of my holiday purchases, i am so excited.

Today, another one of my good friends seperates from me. She decided to pursue other opportunities with another company. I wish her the best. It is funny how three people that were so close, and you never thought you could divide, are now completely apart, and no matter what anyone says, distance hurts friendship. I will do my part to keep it all together, i love these people like my family, and never want to live without them. Life just sometimes isnt fair. I just have to remind myself that everything happens for a reason, and this is all for the best. People are moving on to bigger and better things, and will blossom their careers, no harm in that. GOOD LUCK GUYS! I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!

Well, back to the daily grind, remember the reason for the seasons, god bless everyone, have a safe and happy holiday!!!!

2006-11-15T05:14:00.000-08:00

Not too much going on right now. I have to admit i am an early bird, we put our Christmas tree up last weekend. Now i am cleaning things up getting ready for the family to come this weekend...we do things a little differently since i have divorced parents. The week before Thanksgiving we have Thanksgiving with my dad and do Thanksgiving with my mom on Thansgiving, Christmas we switch, the week before with mom, the day with dad...ughh! things have to be so difficult.

Well since we have our tree up, my daughter thinks she gets to sleep in the living room floor and wait on santa every night. here is a pic of her.

Things are going pretty good for now, caught up in the hustle bustle of the holiday seasons, school work and being a working mom. A bit stressful, but at the end of the day, when you are looking at the innocents of a child sleeping, it is all worth it. Children are what make the world go round!

2006-11-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

For those who know me, i struggled two years ago to lose a lot of weight...i ended up losing like 60 pounds, great feat for me, though i had a lot more to go...

Starting off losing by counting calories, then eventually came to the mindset that eating 1200 calories did this...what will happen if i eat 800 or 700...etc...

Well, this sent my body into a tremendous amount of shock, my blood sugar bottomed out on a daily basis, i wasnt hungry, but i didnt lose any weight...

Well, followed the advise of my doctor and slowly built myself back up to normal eating habits, problem is, because i shut my metabolism down the first time, i have gained soooo much weight back...almost 20 pounds...i digress...i had a lot of stress in my life from work and home and i comfort myself with food, i guess i should work on that part first...but not enough days in my life...lol...

anyway...the ultimate reminder you have expanded, your clothes no longer fit...so you look to your spouse for some supporting words of wisdom, as i cry, my jeans no longer fit honey...my husband in all his wisdom says: "i told you that you were gaining your weight back"...not what i wanted to hear...but thanks for keeping it real...haha...

so today i start my diet back...fat free tasteless muffin for breakfast, yummy salad for lunch, soup for dinner...NO SNACKS!!!

i have to lose this and i have to lose it fast...ugh! holidays are coming, i promised my dad Christmas pictures and i am not taking a picture of myself the way i look right now...it probably isnt very nice to lie to your daddy...haha...

2006-11-06T05:28:00.000-08:00

Just a thought...i went shopping this weekend with my sister in Hickory, NC...we were looking for winter clothes for our kids. We ran upon a store that had a great sale on bra's, my sister is a "D" cup and i am a "D" cup...can you believe, in the entire selection of cute ones, not one "D" cup...what is up with that...do they think that just because you wear that size you just want plain white, or tan or black...no i say, bring on the lace and flowers and designs, gotta feel beautiful, even if noone ever sees them...haha!! just a thougt!! sorry, probably not appropriate thought, but a thought...lol

2006-11-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

There are the pictures we have all been waiting for...haha...dont laugh too hard...i dont know how i managed not to get any of Bryan, but i will download my camera one of these days and upload one then..there is enough to keep you occupied for now...haha

2006-11-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

2006-11-02T13:00:00.000-08:00

2006-11-02T12:36:00.000-08:00

Hope you all had a great halloween, mine was great, we started the day at work with a "pot luck". Because all who knows me, knows, i hate to cook, i donated money to have food brought in, as did 75% of my co-workers...i wasnt fast enough to claim my food though, because all of the meat that was purchased, was devoured, which is okay, i am a pasta and bread kinda girl anyway, i guess that is why i have such a puffy exterior..was that a nice way to say that...haha...

Anyway, checked out of work a few minutes early to go home and get my kids ready, we had "trunk or treat" at the church, everyone decorated their trunks and gave out candy to the little ones. My kids had a blast, Michelle brought Abby along, and my sister brought her three kids, a good time was had by all. We then attempted trick or treating, you know, just to give my kids a little exposure, we generally do things with the church, so very few times have we actually been door to door...i quickly realized, we arent missing much. After a few doors the kids are whiny, everyone wants to ring the doorbells, and everyone wants to be the first one there. About 10 houses later, we gave up, packed the kids back up and headed to dinner. Abby was absolutely hilarious. She is a riot, i love her so much, such a cutey... then we headed back home, exhausted, and ready for bed. The two smaller kids went to sleep in the truck, so i had to carry them in...Once the car was emptied the kids stripped of their costumes, and everything put away...ahhh. lights out, it was time for bed, another memorable halloween...i love my kids, they make life so much fun...

2006-10-27T05:45:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Here is the pumpkin me and my kids carved...it was our first, and it was very fun, we will do another one this weekend...

2006-10-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

2006-10-25T05:48:00.000-07:00

i did it, i finally did it... i got a new truck, well not new, but new to me... it is awesome, a 2002 Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer, super nice, i love it...see!!!!

2006-10-19T05:22:00.000-07:00

I made it through, all the back stabbing, all the talking behind backs, i made it through it all. I am now in my new department, have a lot of people who are not talking to me, but you know, who cares, i am where i want to be, and i will come out trimphant...

More positive posts from here on out, i am finally out of hell, and can now enjoy my career. My boss stands to be a challenge, but i love a great challenge, i think the two of us will get along great, we are both extremely focused on the same things,

Wish me luck!!

2006-10-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

Ups and Downs and the bumpy road ahead...

Well, a lot has happened in the past several days, some good, some bad, and some that are really F$#ked up...some that really make you question who is truly your friend, and who will truly have your back, when they really should...not going to elaborate, there is no need...

Just wish me luck, for once, my brain is reacting before my emotions...and i will come out triumphant...

2006-10-05T15:34:00.000-07:00

YEAH!!! I think something positive happened today...cannot give all the details as it is still hush hush...but...i think it is a GREAT move...i am so psyched!!

A wise man once told me, good things come to those who wait...

I got the following email from my SVP today...it was totally awesome...

You’ve impressed us all with your performance, attitude, and work ethic and I’m glad a good fit came open as soon as it did. While we’ll hate to see you go (if you do), we want you in the position within the company that best uses all your skills and rewards you both personally and financially.

So – keep me posted what you decide, if you go, make a good, smooth transition for us, please, and best of everything to you!! If I could clone you, I would!

Isnt that totally awesome!!! My prayers were finally answered...i have a lunch scheduled Monday to iron out the details, wish me luck...

Yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

You know...my post are way too long..i apologize!!!!:) Do you still love me????

2006-10-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

I am soooo tired....

A friend of mine blogged the other day about their hectic schedule and it really made me think...

My husband gets so upset with me because i am tired all of the time...i was starting to think i had something medically wrong with me, because i absolutely have NO energy, but the more i think, i am just worn out...my life...

for the past three weeks we have gone out of town every weekend, leaving Friday right after work and not returning until late Sunday evening...two weeks ago we actually went on vacation for 5 days, nothing but exhaustion...

This past weekend with all the drama of my sister, and going to the beach, i absolutely could not go anymore, i demanded to come home, which is not like me, i love to travel and do fun things, but i just couldnt, i just wanted to sit in the floor and cry...lol

this morning in one of my few moments of quiet i sat down to think, what is my schedule, it is something like this...

5:30 wake up, take a shower start a load of laundry, 6:00 get my three kids out of bed, which usually consists of physically picking up, and undressing my 5 and 8 year old and placing them in the tub to get dressed, i have to practically beat my 11 year old, he is as big as me, so i cant pick him up...6:30 make sure they are dressed, fed, have all their homework and papers together for school, 6:40 walk them to the bus stop...6:50 walk back to the house, get ready, flip the load of clothes from the washer to the dryer and turn it on...7:10 walk out the door for work...8:00 arrive at work to deal with morons...1:30 lunch...i race across town half of the week to lunch with my hubby then i race back...get off at 5:00, go home, arrive at home 5:45...start homework, get settled in, start dinner, the kids go out and play until dark, we eat about 7:00...i clean while they start baths...8:00 start putting them to bed...maybe watch tv for few minutes and sneak in a load of laundry...at 8:45 start threatening to take the tv and playstation out of the boys room to get them to sleep, rock kimmy..she is five, does this end...NO!!! finally 9:30 they are all asleep, tv time for me...but i fall asleep around 10:00 usually...ughhhh!!!! i need more energy...i try to stay up later to spend quality time with my hubby, or watch tv...i used to stay up until midnight and still get all this done, now, i just cannot do it...my body will not let me...

the weekends are a joke, get up in the wee hours of the morning...clean clean clean...the kids get up at 7:30 to get ready for bowling at 10:00 we are there until 12:00 then it is family time, all day...back home late at night, more cleaning...then bed...sunday wee hours again, more cleaning, more family time...no rest...

So, i mention to my husband last night that i am exhausted and think we should stay home this weekend and rest...uh, no...we have plans...ughh!!!!

2006-10-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

continued week...

Well i must say the week is a little better...considering...my sister is feeling a little better, after a long battle with the doctors office yesterday, today she can eat and sleep which she hasnt done since last friday...which means i can relax..it is hard work being a sister..hehe!!

Things at work are still fairly bad, still have a babysitter, who listens to every conversation i have, still underpaid, and overworked...haha..who isnt? just confirmed today that my insurance will kick in in 11-01 and i have to pay, out of pocket almost $700.00 a month..hell i would be better off making minimum wage, why can't i just make myself do that...because i know i have more potential..come on, why must i have a concious!! haha...

A funny thing happened last week, i was pulled in a conference room to be told upfront who my new manager was going to be.i am not happy about that, i worked for the person once before and lets just say, it will not be fun, but on a brighter note, i will always feel intelligent around her...haha...

well this week, i have had several of the managers come to me and tell me they suggested to the VP that i be made manager because i would be a great fit for that position...i think it is funny because i really feel like i would do a great job, and if the other managers are noticing i must be doing something right, right??? anyway, i was on a call today, and the SVP of sales introduced me as the manager of my department, i couldnt stol laughing, at the same time, thinking, as if??? LOL...funny how things work out sometime, but everything is happening for a reason, and good things have to come eventually, right??

2006-10-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

From bad to worse...

The week from hell is over...then the weekend begins...

To begin, my sister called me at 6:00 am on Friday, she is in a lot of pain and can barely drive...i tell her to go to the emergency room and call me if she needs me...around 12:00 she calls and says they think it is her gall bladder, but she is waiting on the surgeon to come in...at 2:00 she calls and says the surgeon just came in, they are sending her in for emergency surgery because it is severely infected...she is a single mother, our mother lives several hours away...our dad is a truck driver so he was on the road. she has no one, no one to get her kids, no one to sit with her, to ask the surgeon questions etc...after a few minutes of thinking, i decide it is my duty as a sister to go and pick up her kids, take them to a babysitter, and sit with her while they prep her for surgery...probably not the smartest thing to do considering i am still in my probation period at work, but family is family, and i have to go...

i help get her kids to my step mom, who is not kid friendly but she tries and she loves them...she picks them up from school, and picks up the baby...i go to the hospital to sit with my sister...long story short, 8:30 pm i am walking out to go home, she is finally in a room and ok...mom and dad are with her, i can go home...

My husband is upset that i spent the evening there, he didnt feel i should have had to stay there all night, there was nothing i could do...take all that in, move on, go to bed...

Get up early Saturday, my kids are in a bowling league, drop them off with my husband, go to the hospital to take my sister some clothes...not 5 minutes in the room my husband is calling, complaining that i spent too much time there...ugh...say my good byes and go to the bowling alley...

After we leave there, he decides we should take the kids to the beach, i am tired, my house is a mess, but okay, lets go...ughhh!!

we did have a good time, though exhausted and spent way too much money, sunday comes, the kids are whiney, i am whiney (i know that is hard to imagine, lol) i want to go home, so my hubby huffs and puffs and we start home...finally i am home...it is 7:00, my sister calls, she over did it and is sick, she wants me to ride over...so i did...it was 11:00 when i got home, I AM SOOOO TIRED..

i want to go all week with no drama, nothing to do...i just want to relax...can that happen...

Back at work this morning, hoping for the best, expecting the worst, its definatley Monday...

check in later!!! love ya!!

2006-09-29T05:09:00.000-07:00

The week is FINALLY over....

This has been the worst week of my working career...my new "babysitter" moved in...i discovered I have a lot of backstabbing, two faced people that i work with...people who will stop at nothing to make themselves look good and others look bad...to all of them, i say, shame on you...you just screwed yourself...for now on, i will do my job, and only my job, anything above and beyond that...not my problem, i dont get paid to do everyone else's job, hell, i dont get paid to do my job if you really think about it, at least not enough....i will be searching for a job, but will hang in here until that comes along, minding my own business....

the moral of the story, be careful who you trust, and who you talk to, sweet innocent looking people stab you the hardest...carry on carry on...

life will get better...no more worries over this place, if people arent going to look after you, why look after them...EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!

2006-09-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

So, a friend told me yesterday that i needed to have a picture of myself on my blog....here it is...dont you just love the resemblance...lol...

On a brighter note, today is a better day, still the same annoying people, but a little better attitude...i have learned that there is nothing a little alchohol cant make better...it is like a band aid for the soul...haha..not a lot, just enough to make you giggly and stupid, let go of all your worries...

So as the day passes, i think my good mood will wear off, but for now, i have let my feelings known, and she does not feel the need to stand at my desk and treat me like a 2 year old...life is good, or at least as good as it gets for now...

tootaloo for now!!

2006-09-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

I am having like the worst possible day at work...i have to keep telling myself, i need my job, i love my job...why do things work out the way they do...i just want to cry...i cant stand this...when will God answer my prayers...

2006-09-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

Back from vacation...it started off bad, but got much better at the end...let me begin...

we took our car to Sears to get an alignment and oil change before we left...this was at 1:00 pm...we told the mechanic we had to be out by 4:00 and figured we could get some shopping done while they had our car in...after the initial inspection we were told that the left front bering had gone bad in my car, and needed to be replaced...okay, i am driving through the mountains, can't afford to have a bad bering, change it, IF you can ge it done by 4:00...no problem rings in my ears...we were told it would take an hour and a half to get all of this work completed...after an hour and half past, the manager came out, said they received a bad bering it would be another hour and a half, no problem fix it, and lets go...after another two hours we were told that it was not the left side after all, the noise had traveled from the right side, so the right side needed to be changed...not only would it take another hour and a half, but they were going to charge us for the left side, because they replaced it and couldnt take it off...i dont think so...i proceed to get very angry...time is one thing, money is another...well...at 9:38, yes 8 hours and 38 minutes later, and many many shouting matches with the manager i was told that they could not fix my car...they realized at 9 pm they needed another part and all the part stores had closed at 9:00...it took them the 38 minutes to muster the courage to tell me they couldnt fix it...i had to call my inlaws 45 miles across town to pick me up at 9:38 pm...i lost my first night at my cabin...$150...i lost the fun day at dollywood we had planned for just our kids...priceless...all because a bunch of morons cannot pull a bering off and put it back on.... the next morning i come in and the third mechanic is working on my car...two and half hours later, we are off (and we did not pay for their mistake, but the rest of the money and time was lost, with only an apology, which does nothing for me). We get a mile down the road and realize the car is making an awful noise when you stop, assuming this was caused by cold brakes because the tire had been off all night, we figured it would stop, we wasted enough time, it was time to get on the road, after all there was a 6 hour drive ahead of us, and two other parties were meeting us there Thursday and noone could check into the cabin without me...it was in my name...we drove on, the more we used the brakes the worst the noise got...my car pulls worse now than it did when we drove it to sears...my luck totally... the rest of the vacation was a blast, family time, fun and games, we enjoyed the mountains, pigeon forge and gatlinburg. Went to an awesome haunted house, played lots of mini golf, saw shows, rode rides and ate lots of good food...well deserved and well worth the waite...wish i could have stayed longer, but all good things must come to an end...

2006-09-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

Why do i have to cry so much?????

Well, after a conversation with a beloved friend, i realize, i am the reason my life is the way it is...i am the reason i end up where i ended up...i was at fault... this thought is a depressing one...to know i have fallen this far because of my actions and my merit, is a hard concept to swallow...

why is it that friends always bring the obvious to your attention...

so i sit here at my lonely desk, working late, with noone to talk to and let the tears roll down my face...

you cant complain if you caused the pain to yourself...

you cant be upset, if you allow people to walk over you....

you cant cry because you missed out on an opportunity because of your own actions...

i just wish i werent such a girl and cry so much...why couldn't i be this cold heartless person, who doesnt care, who doesnt wear their heart on their sleeve?? why is it that everything bothers me so much...

I was told tonight that i lacked drive???what does that mean???i have always thought i was a very hard working person, i always excel in what i do...though i dont put my work on display...i feel like it is strong enough to stand on its own...guess another thing i was wrong about...

oh well, wipe the tears away, stand back up, brush off, and give it another try...

hopefully in the next couple of days life will get better...will try and take some pics on vacation and post some of me and my self and let the rest of the world see what a fat cow i have become, and how pathetic i truly look right now...i am totally disgusted with myself ...i need to really work on that...

2006-09-18T14:49:00.000-07:00

On a brighter note...

i took a few days off this week, without pay, so that was a little tough...but i NEEDED some time off, before i truly lose my mind.

My sister and her family, and my family are going to Pigeon Forge for a couple of days, we are leaving Wednesday night and staying until Sunday...i cant wait...hopefully we will have a great time...i LOVE the mountains, my husband on the other hand hates them, so he will grumble a lot while we are there...but i figure if Gabe, my brother in law is there, it will be a lot less, at least in front of them :) which i will try and stay as much as possible...lol...

so...here is to relaxation, letting go, and having a good time...i am hoping my pension comes before i leave, so i can have that much more fun...haha... only kidding, i am socking it in savings, i am not stupid!! at least not that stupid!!! LOL

More to come, i know i have been slack posting, trying to get better!!!

2006-09-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

This past week is not going as great as i would like...

I have whined enough about the huge paycut i took and the steps down the corporate ladder that i have taken...but this past week has been utter HELL...

My new lead started last week, let me start by saying that from my point of view, i exceed her knowledge base, probably 2-1...i exceed her customer service skills 10-1...maybe i am biased, maybe i have a problem with authority, maybe i am bitter because i know what i am capable of and where i should be...who knows, but i have to say, it is really getting to me...you know how you try and hold things in, and they just get worse, yeah, that is where i am right now...

and to top it off, she is the must annoying, nosey person in the world...you cant have a personal conversation without her adding her two cents in...she chimes in all the time, and lord she cant tell me enough times, how SHE wants things done...do i do anything the way she likes it??? NO...yet she feels compelled to tell me her every move, like i care...she tells me personally when she takes break, lunch, walks to her car, etc...it does not affect me, why tell me, i am nothing to you... am i wrong???

Monster.com here i come if this doesnt get any better...i just cant handle knowing where i should be, and being where i am...it is a slap in the face for me...i need to be somewhere where i can show my full potention and it can be appreciated...(no jokes, i have no clue where that might be) but i have to find that place, because the ulcer is getting bigger and bigger....

UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2006-09-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

Did you miss me???

Another day has passed. A friend of mine visited from Arizona this week. The whole gang went out for dinner. It was absolutely fabulous, just like old times again... My husband and two of my children joined us, so we made it a family affair..lol... a great time was had by all...though the service at our new Olive Garden..**SUCKED**..other than that, it was great.

Tonight while i sit at work for another 15 or so minutes, so bored, my oldest son is going to his first dance..AWWW!!!...it is a back to school dance, though he has been back to school for exactly a month today..My how the time passes...he is so psyched!!! he is embarrassed that his dad has to take him and his cool, yeah you know he didnt say that, mom couldnt take him...

He is at the stage now, that he thinks both of his parents are uncool, and we totally suck. What he doesnt realize is that he lives the life right now, everything his heart desires, fairly young, dare i say, i am only 28 years old and his dad is only 31, so pretty young for an 11 year old, parents, and nothing in the world to worry about...though i am afraid he is getting in to the pre-teen years, and nothing will ever do...what i would give to be young again.... i feel sooo old...lol...

Oh well, not too much else to discuss, things are going really great at work... i have actually been "noticed" by upper management, got a very nice email from senior management commenting me on my work, very very awesome, that like never happens, guess that is one of the perks of working for a small company, where there is no one to compete with, they cant help but notice...haha...

Will blog again soon!!! love you guys, miss you, tootalloo for now!!!!

2006-08-30T14:52:00.000-07:00

Another Day!!

Well, i received some interesting news...first i came into a very pleasant conversation with my boss... we are doing kind of a monthly review or check in, if you will. Basically a chance to discuss anything that concerns you, anything that you are impressed with, anything that needs to change etc. Well mine was all good, received praises for all of my contributions, was told that i was a leader, and my work was really noticed!! WOW!! and i have only been here a month! That was great news, it is a great feeling to know that your hard work and dedications will pay off and gets noticed...

Then later in the day i learned that the person that was supposed to be my manager in October, will no longer be coming, which leaves a management position open...my friends and co-workers all think it is something i should go after, however, i am very uncertain if it is something i am capable of. Anyone that knows me, knows that if i cant give it my all, i dont want to do it, i firmly believe that you should excel in everything you do, there is no room for second place.

I hold my work ethic and moral very high, i live by my word and practice what i preach, i feel that i am a very knowledgeable person, a reliable employee, a strong leader, however, doubt my management skills.

I am not sure that i would ever be considered for a position like this, but my co-workers think i would be a great fit, which is a compliment in its self...

The dilemma, is it something i would go after, knowing that eventually, i think i would love to end up back in the sales world...then the question, is it possible i would like managing more than i liked sales and stick to it?? i am a creature of habit, change scares me, especially when it affects me personally...

Who knows what life will bring, i will think about it, and pray about it....leave it in Gods hands, and let him take care of the rest! :)

2006-08-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

Someone please explain to me, why in every picture i look like a fat drunk heffer...is there science to taking a picture that i never learned, or is this truly what i look like in real life...HELP ME!! LOL

A friend of mine finally, after much begging, sent me his photo album of our final days at work at our old company. I was hoping to have a decent picture to save, and all of them were awful...what is up with that.....

I give up...

2006-08-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

Good morning sunshine...

It has been a while since i have posted, i know. School is back in session, i am back at work, and life is back to normal...almost!!

Things have been pretty rushed for a while, last weekend, we had my daughter and sons birthday parties. it was a blast!!! A quick reminder that you are too old to be skating...haha

This week my sister and brother in law are coming to town and we will go to the beach of something like that...

here is the group of people that i work with now, it is great being part of a team again, cant wait to get this party started!!!

2006-07-26T04:14:00.000-07:00

Life is better now, and i made it with no Prozac..haha!!

I finally got someone to come out and fix my air, $150.00 later i have AIR, yeah, that is a great thing, especially in SC, where it is 100 degrees everyday and the heat index is miserable. The guy that fixed my air asked how we survived so long with out it, it was a miserable 86 degrees in my house, that was with three fans, and a window unit air conditioner, imagine how miserable it was before we gave in and got that!!! my response, we barely made it, and called 50 times to get someone out. I could have kissed the man when he pulled up, and the kicker, he was at my house less than 5 minutes, i suffered for 2 months and it took him 5 minutes, UGH!!!!

My car was checked out, it is not the transmission, but rather, still the infamous short, my car will go in the shop this week, when i get my long awaited money, i have made it broke for several weeks, i learned something myself, and apprecite so much more what i have.

My sister finally left her loser of a man, now she is on her own with three, i must say, bad ass kids!! it will be tough. I have spent the past several days getting her moved, and running her around town. My husband is getting a bit annoyed, but she is my sister, and me being me, i am going to help her. He will understand one day, at least i hope he will.

I finally got a job, i start 07-31...HUGE, i mean HUGE pay cut but it is a job, for now, and i can work my way back up. Things will be tight for a while, but we will manage and come back stronger than ever.

Oh yeah!! i got a gift from my old account exec friday night, you would never believe what he got me, it was awesome, he spent like $250.00 way too much for someone like me, but it is awesome!!! he paid for me to get my hair cut and colored, which is a treat for me, he paid for a balavi facial, a manicure, and a one hour massage, i absolutely cannot wait. Again, i think it annoyed my husband a bit, but...

Well sorry for so much in one post, it has been a while, will try and do better!!!

miss you guys, and love you lots, keep in touch!

2006-07-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought you were at your breaking point...something else breaks???

I start off saying that these past several weeks, have been more stress than i care to handle. But with the encouragement from my dad, i know that things always work out for the better. Everytime god closes a door, he opens another one. I just have to have the knowledge and trust to open the door that god lays in front of me.

That said, i am going to have a nervous breakdown. Things were already very stressful before i lost my job. Now things have gone to bad from worse. I sit back sometimes and think, this bad joke has to end soon...if i had no bad luck, what would my life be like??

For several weeks, everything i owned has been breaking...my dryer, my water pump, my airconditioning in my house, my air in my car, there is a short in my car...bad enough, one would think...then my job is gone, no job to replace it, it just keeps getting better right????haha...Well, god love South Carolina, fire ants have somehow gotten into my house, and i have been battling them for days, spraying, and mopping, spraying and mopping..i dont like chemicals in the house because i have small kids, in the same breath, cant have ants, because i have small kids..UGH!!!...

Then i wake up this morning, and my washing machine is broken, it continuously runs water, which by the way leaks on the floor, and more mopping...haha.. no matter if it is turned off or on..

My car has another problem, tuesday, on my way to the dentist, where i was told that the root canal that i paid $800.00 in november has to come out, because there are serious infections in my mouth, and possibly a horizontal fracture to my roots, which god only knows what that is, or how serious it is, but apparently it is not common, because the endodontist my densist consulted with, wants to see it for himself??? what the heck??? my transmission no longer works in my car, well i guess it works, there is just no first gear??? so now i am stuck home, with the dilemma, do i call my mom or dad and ask to borrow their vehicles, or do i sit at home stranded with 3 kids, no air, only a window unit, the battle of the ants, the broken dryer, the half ass water pump and now the broken washing maching?? i hate to inconvenience either of them with me having one of their cars, after all it will be at least two weeks before i can afford to fix my car, because i dont have a job... and by the way, do you think my husband is trying to fix, or is in the least bit concerned about any of these problems, NO!!!! he just says, dont worry about it baby, things will be okay... HELLO, if you dont do anything, how in the hello are they going to be okay?? I NEED PROZAC!!!!

2006-07-11T05:34:00.000-07:00

I TALK TOO MUCH!!

Life is a mystery.

My sister and her two kids came down this past weekend. We had a blast, we went bowling and to a movie with her family and my dad and stepmom, and just spent time together as a family. Something i really miss since my family never seems to have time to spend together.

Monday was back to the routine of being home with my kids. Let me start by saying, anyone that knows me, knows how much my children mean to me. However, in the same breath, anyone who knows me, knows how much i LOVE to talk, and love adult interaction. I can strike up a conversation with any stranger at any time... haha... that said, i am ready to join adult life of employment again. This past Friday, i got a call from one of my old co-workers who let me know that the company that i have been pining to work for, called her with some information. To my dismay, i had not received a call yet. So i decided to do what i had never done. Time to pimp myself out...haha...i called my old AE, who by the way is absolutely awesome, and my old boss, who is also awesome, and filled them both in. Monday morning, an email from both, with their full support, and an email from the SVP of the company that i want to work for, requesting a phone interview. I called him yesterday, and after a brief interview, was told he would send details this morning and if everything checked out, i should receive a formal offer in about 10-14 days. WOW!! i really hope this works out, and i cant imagine for the life of me why it wouldnt.

In my excitement, i look to my husband for support, and equal excitement, after all, i would join working society again, and contribute to our house again!! YEAH..you would think...i get hit with a very sarcastic, cold attitude. The kind that just makes you want to slap him..UGH..MEN!!!... well, he heard me on my interview tell the man, that i was not cut out to be a stay at home mom, and i was ready to go back to work. THIS IS THE TRUTH!! i have never been a stay at home mom, i tried it with my first son, and it lasted 4 or 5 months. I am sorry, it would be different if we had money without me working, but just getting by, is not my idea of a good life, nor, is it something i am willing to settle for. So, my much wanted excitement was not that. However, it made me realize that i have to do what is best for me and my kids, and he will have to get glad in the same pants he got mad in. Life cannot be spent pleasing other people if it is at your expense. At some point, you have to do what is right for your kids and yourself, and let the rest of the world go on as they may.

Well, after dealing with that, i went across to tell my inlaws- who greeted me with the much similar attitude of their son. Complaining about the possibility that there may be traveling, for training...and that my hours would be the same as they were with my last job, 10-7, which i didnt mind, but apparently, inconvenienced everyone else... Hello people, whatever happened to I am happy for you, if this is what you want, we will support you. After all, i did not have the kids myself, their dad had a hand in it, and it is just as much his responsibility to be there for them as it is mine. I am always there. If they have doctor appointments, i am there, if they are sick, i am there, if they have activities, i am there. Everything, everytime, no matter how hard it makes it for me, i am there. Why is it that just the mom should sacrafice??? Whatever, they are my children, and at the end of the day, they know who loves and supports them, and who would stop at nothing to ensure they have all that they deserve. and the rest, well, they can just grumble until they die!!!!

2006-07-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

WOW...THIS IS STRANGE...

Friday was my last day at work, and not as fortunate as my other co-workers, i leave as an unemployed citizen, and let me start this by saying it sucks!! i try very hard to look at the bright side, at least i get to spend some time with my family, my kids. Then reality strikes, it's Monday morning, and for the first time in my adult life, i have no where to go, no money to have fun, and my kids are driving me crazy. My husband god help him is driving me crazy, because he cant seem to grasp the concept that we have no money because we are trying to stretch what we do have to last until my severance comes along.

In the past few days i have learned, i could NEVER be a stay at home mom. The only thing to do, is watch kid shows, clean up and referee the never ending fighting of my three children. OH THATS WHY I WENT TO WORK...for sanity..haha..

So far in 3 days, i have washed 11 loads of laundry, cleaned out the kitchen cabinets, listed things on ebay for my hubby, cleaned my kids room, and thought of a million things i could do to fix up the house, but the one kicker....money... i am scared to death to spend what we have, for fear it will take longer than expected to get a job or my severance. So for now, i sit back and clean and rearrange, and referee, and clean some more, watch more kid shows and referee some more...

HELP ME!!! I NEED TO GO TO WORK BEFORE I GO CRAZY!!!! HAHA

2006-06-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

Bitter Sweet for now....

today is the day that i will be saying most of my goodbyes- tomorrow is my final day at work, and the final day i will see several of my good friends for a while.

One is moving far away to Tucson, so it will be a long time before i see him again.

Michelle is going to another company and hopefully things will work out and i can join her later down the path.

I am finally beyond my psycho state, and to the point of sadness and happiness,a mixture of the two.

I will be unemployed for the first time since i was 14, i am 28, that is 14 years of working and doing other things, and now, Monday, i will wake up and have nothing.

My husband is being a real trooper through all of this, he has agreed to give me a month to follow my heart and pursue what i want. If that does not pan out in a month, i will settle and find somewhere else to go.

It is really hard right now, not knowing what will happen, where i will end up, if i work with the group that i have come to know and love. I guess more than anything it was comfortable for me, they were like my family, and now i feel as though the family is being broken up.

I know that everyone who is parting will be better off, they are moving on to bigger and better things, and this change is a great one for them, it is just a little bitter sweet right now.

Best wishes, good luck!! lots of love!!

2006-06-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

Do you have kids...

This is my daughter. She is my little princess. Unfortunately, she will look much like her mother when she grows up, hopefully, minus alot of the fat :)

Anyway, she has been sick since last Thursday with an ear infection. I took her to the doctor on Sunday and before we went, she asked if we could get a milkshake afterwards, if she were a good girl. After several days of her not eating, i of course would have bought anything she would have hinted to eat, so i told her of course.

After sitting for two hours in the waiting room at her doctors office, we were finally seen, received the prescription for her antibiotics, and we were on our way.

On the way out the door, my daughter reminds me of her prize. Except now she has had plenty of time to think about what she really wants...

She says mommy, since i was a good girl can we go get a hot snoozy...a little side note, my daughter calls the Starbucks Strawberry Frapaccino a hot snoozy, why, i have no idea, this is a cold drink, anyway...i told her that we do not have any place close that sells a hot snoozy, and her response, we could drive to the beach. Yeah, thats it, i will drive an hour to the beach just to get a drink and drive back. This is the classic response from my daughter, she doesnt put any thought into what it cost, how long it takes, she just wants what she wants and when she wants it. She is so spoiled...but that is why i love her so much!! i pray to god she keeps her strong will, she continues to think the world revolves around her. She is a cutey, of course i am bias, but i love her!!

2006-06-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

I lost my mind...

Okay, so between the stress of my work life, or soon lack there of, the stress of my home life, caused alot by personal issues and my work life, sick children, the ever demanding chores of motherhood, i have officially lost my mind.

I had a brief episode of insanity at work on Friday, mostly because my emotions are shot...but no matter what the reason, this episode was not fair to my friends and co-workers that have always been there for me.

While i am still waiting to see what will happen, i do this now with a more aware attitude of those that surround me.

And while this week will be utterly bitter sweet, i know that i have made friends that i will keep for a life time.

One of my good friends will be moving away to Arizona, the other is going to work at another company, that i hope i will be able to join later on and another is staying at the company that the three of us are departing from. It's amazing how that works, it is like we have been together so long, and in a blink of an eye, it is gone, that chapter of your life has ended, and it is time for another to begin.

Other co-workers who i have come to know and love will be going to another company, the one that i am hoping to join later.

So for now, it is see you later, not good-bye. Some people you are meant to be with for a lifetime, and this group of people definately feel like that to me.

2006-06-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

IT'S OFFICIAL...

Well, i heard the official word yesterday, i did not get the position that i wanted. It is time to move onto bigger and better things, if that is at all possible. I must say, it truly hurt me. Not so much that someone got the job before i did, because the person that got it is truly talented, has a very outgoing personality, and will knock the socks off of my customers...more hurt, because i have let myself down. I don't know what i did wrong, if i did anything wrong, what i could have done differently. I guess in the end it really doesn't matter, because there is nothing i can do to change the outcome. I just wish my brain could tell my heart and my tears that...

My husband told me that crying showed a sign of weakness in the workplace, that i should not let anyone know how much it truly bothers me. I am not sure how much of this is true, but i do know one thing... i have made an ass of myself being as upset as i am.

Everything happens for a reason, change is supposed to be a good thing. So this morning, i embrace life, still a little tears, well alot of tears, and take control. I have applied for several positions, none that i am truly compassionate about, but the one that i am compassionate about is gone, for now, i have to settle. With hopes that i will learn from this experience, and come out a better person in the end.

The only bad part that truly hurts me, is in 7 days, i will no longer work with some of the most amazing people i have ever known. One moving out of state, he will truly be missed, the others are working in the line that i wanted. I do think we will remain friends through all of this, we have gone through too much together to let it go...

So, I am ready for the change and the adventures to come, just a little bitter sweet...

2006-06-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Ready for the change...

well after many conversations yesterday with many people, i am finally ready for the change... i am not sure what direction i will be going, or where i will end up. But one thing is for sure, i will get there on my own merit... it is time for me to control my destiny...that is easier said than done, i know this. But i cant spend the rest of my life feeling cheated. Always wondering why hard work never pays off. The bottom line is, no matter how hard you work, people are never going to notice... you have to politic and work hard, this is something i have never done, and completely against what i believe. But i have to direct my own career. My own destiny. This is the only way i can take control and provide my kids with the life they deserve.

So to all my friends, thank you for listening to me. Thank you for listening to me cry. Thank you for yelling at me, and making me understand your point of view.

And while i am still not convinced completely, i am taking control....

2006-06-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

Probably not a good thought....

I went to visit my daddy yesterday for fathers day, and received some pretty alarming news. My daddy is having surgery this morning, and wasn't going to tell anyone because he didn't want to take any of the attention away from his dying brother.

A little background, my uncle is an extreme alchoholic, has been for years, as long as i can remember. He has ruined 2 marriages, countless relationships, his two children despise him, not to mention the turmoil and embarassment he has caused my grandmother and my daddy. My uncle is a great man, when he is sober. Those times however, are very very rare.

A couple of months ago, they found out he had prostate cancer. They treated him for that, and fortunately caught in time for him to make a full recovery. At that time, his doctor told him he had extreme kidney disease and if he didn't stop drinking he would die within months. He also told him, even if he did stop drinking, his life would be cut short.

Well fast forward three months, my uncle still drinks, and now he is very ill. His only hope is a kidney transplant, which he would not be a candidate for because he is a heavy alchoholic.

My grandmother is very upset, and rightfully so, it is her son. Here goes my bad thoughts....This is a self induced illness, it cannot be the focus of life, and certainly you cannot make it so that your healthy son, the one that has always taken care of her, supported her and been the stable one in her life, doesn't want to tell his own mother that he is having surgery, because he feels that his surgery is so small compared to his brothers.

It angers me the stand that she has taken, to the point i have started to feel very guilty. My grandmother makes it seem like he is this innocent person and he was struck with this life threatening illness. But he is not, you have to know that after 40 years of drinking 24 beers a day, your kidneys would eventually shut down. My uncle is to the point that 2 cases of beer do not even make him drunk, they just provide the fix.... that is awful... my dad and grandmother have urged him to AA meetings, my dad has taken care of him, he has moved in with my grandmother so she can help him through the years. But bottom line, if you don't want to help yourself, and you are not willing to do it for your children, or your family, then there is no help for you...

Off that soap box :) I wish my daddy the best of luck through his surgery today, and i hope he knows that no matter what is going on in my life i will always be there for him, and there is nothing in my life that would ever overshadow him.

2006-06-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

This about summed it up for me. I got this email this morning from my sister, titled, Work Humor, it couldn't be more appropriate for the way i am feeling lately.

2006-06-17T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well, here are my kids, they are my life, and the reason the decision at hand seems so huge.

I was recently notified of a layoff within my company. It so happens it affects me. I have been with this company for 11 years, i worked as a temp for a year, and was hired permanent in 1996 and have been there ever since. I was 17 when i started, and never looked back.

Through the years i have been promoted to several different jobs. I thought i was on my way to furthering my career, and really making something of my life.

I was notified Friday that i was not one of the "chosen" ones to go to a new company that many of my co-workers are going to. To top it off, i was told that i was the one on "the bubble" so there is a possibilty that if someone does not accept a specific job that it will be offered to me.

However, if the person takes the job, there is another job for me, it is just the job that i left over a year ago, i never thought i would go backwards in my career.

I have also been approached about a possibilty of staying with the company that laid me off, in a different position. Trouble is, i cant convince myself that it is the right position for me.

I have to admit, i was truly let down and disappointed that i was not offered one of the positions that i wanted. There was a glimmer of hope that it is possible that i may still go, but it all rest in the hands of someone else not wanting the job, and i am torn, because i truly love this person that was offered the same job i want. She has other job offers, that may be better for her, but i dont feel as though i can discuss any of it with her now, because i dont want to sway her decisions.

I dont want to feel as though the only reason i got my job was because i convinced someone else it was not a right fit for them.

My heart tells me i am right for that job, i know that it was a hard decision for my boss. There were several people going for the same job, and i am thankful that she called me and let me know where i stood.

My gut instint tells me that if i cant get the position that i want, to go to the same company in the other position, the one i used to have...it is moving backwards, but i feel, and my manager has encouraged, that when an opening comes up in the job i want, i would be one of the first considered.

My husband doesnt feel the same way, he feels as though i let my emotions make my decisions. That i choose my jobs based on my co-workers and my sense of obligation to the company and the people, and while that may be partly the case, it is not the entire reason. My husband feels i should not settle for the backwards position that was offered and continue my job search...which is a scary thought for me.

I wish it could all be easy, but life never is....